According to the U.S. Bureau of the Census, 90 percent of American businesses are family-owned or controlled and Harvard Business School estimates that at least half of all companies in the US are family businesses. When trying to dig in to how many of these family owned or controlled businesses are husband and wife teams, the most recent research appears to be a more than decade-old study by National Federation of Independent Businesses which pegged the number at just over 1.2 million.
And Forbes reports that, “only a small sub-set of more than 1.2 million husband and wife teams running companies, have achieved great wealth, and fewer still have managed to do so and still stay married. In the U.S. Forbes found 8 billion-dollar couples.”
Staying Married & Growing A Business
The two unions of a marriage and a business have very different objectives and neither partnership can be ignored if you want to be successful in both. I fully admit that there are cross-overs. Earlier this year, I shared the 3 Rules of Marriage (applied to employees) that were handed down to me by my blissfully happy in-laws who celebrated their 60th anniversary.
But to answer the question, “Should your spouse be your business partner”, I reached out to my network. I connected with Christian Brown, the husband and CEO to wife and President Christine Brown of Jobbuh, an employee-content-driven job search company with a mission similar to the hugely successful GlassDoor.
I asked Christian Brown how he decided to go into business with his wife. “The decision to work with my wife was not an easy one”, Mr. Brown responded. “Our marriage was one of the best things about my life, and I didn’t want to complicate that. I’m happy to report that it’s worked out better than expected, and taught us a lot about ourselves as well as business.”
In an effort to share these insights, I asked Mr. and Mrs. Brown to identify what they have learned and what they would council other married couples thinking about going into business with each other. Here’s what they recommend.
5 things to Consider before Going into Business with Your Spouse
- Understand the scope of the decision – Christian Brown had previously worked for two married couples, one successful and one not successful. They both spent a lot of time arguing. This is not something to take lightly and not for everyone. Don’t ask your spouse to be a business partner because you enjoy their companionship. Ask them because they have the skillset and the capability that the business needs.
- Put your marriage first – If you let your business become the priority, you risk losing both your business and your marriage. Christian and Christine Brown viewed their marriage as their first business venture together–and the more important one to protect. They recommend that you set aside time for yourselves that doesn’t involve the business. Even make it a point to not discuss the business at all. “My wife and I will sometimes escape for a long weekend together and not bring up Jobbuh once” Christian Brown said. For the sake of the marriage, couples must resist the temptation to bring the company home and on vacation when they are together outside the office.
- Be open about your strengths and weaknesses and define your roles clearly –One of the advantages of being married is you know each other well, but in a business context be very open to each other about what you can and can’t do. Make a checklist of what you need to be successful, and then be clear about who is responsible for what aspect of the business. If you can’t agree or feel like your roles are not crystal clear, then consider hiring a business coach for the areas where you need the most help.
- Picking up the slack leads to resentment–Don’t try to do more than the other because you are married. By taking on roles that you established for your spouse, over time you will create resentment. “There are times where I feel I do more for Jobbuh than my wife does,” says Christian Brown, “and that isn’t a healthy feeling to have. Yes, you want to help because it’s your spouse, but you have to think of that relationship just as you would any work relationship”. And the last thing anyone wants to do at work is pick up the slack for someone else’s clearly defined responsibilities.
- Have a contingency plan – This will be the most uncomfortable discussion you will probably have with your spouse, but a discussion that must be had. You need to decide what to do in the event that one of you decides to leave the business as well as if one of you decides to leave the marriage. “My wife and I made the decision that if we were to divorce, we would not continue to work together and that my wife would forfeit all ownership of the business” says Christian Brown. “Not an easy conversation to have, but one you will regret not having if you don’t. And trust me, when you’re married to the President, you want to stay on her good side.”
This last point is particularly important. If you’re not willing to have the uncomfortable discussions up front before you start your business, how can you expect to have candid discussions when your business needs its two business partners to work through the inevitable challenges? By setting the ground rules up front, you will substantially reduce the tension when times are tough–and this may be the very thing that saves your marriage.
